If The Accident Will…

If Kanye can do it, I am sure I can.

I Never Ever Saw The Northern Lights. Well, False.

In December of 2006 my brother and I were coming home after finals to my parents house for Christmas break.  We had what could be considered, at the minimum, an odd experience for a drive through central Indiana.  No re-telling of the tale can ever do justice to my brother’s original prose, written in what was an almost assuredly “high” state, on the experience via the Facebook notes application.  I laugh hysterically every time I read this and for that reason I will share this with you now.

“Coming home yesterday from the fine academic institution that is Indiana University Bloomington, I was gazing out the passenger side window in my brother’s car when I noticed a strange illumination in the night sky of central Indiana just North of Lebanon. After staring in profound confusion (knowing that there should be no light pollution on that part of the horizon) for a good minute or two, I muttered something to myself prompting a response from Raymond. I pointed out the outlandish green haze lighting the sky and jokingly asked Ray, “what the fuck is that shit, the god damn Northern Lights?”

Sure enough after just one more look– I realized that it in fact was the Northern Lights. Yes, thats right, The Aurora Borealis. In Indiana. And I saw it. Insanity.

Shock and Awe, this time without bombs and killing, ensued.

Soon after overcoming my flabbergasted state, which came about under the intense astonishment of realizing such an amazingly rare occurence was unfolding before me, Ray and I both were taken aback.

We recalled a classic episode of The Simpsons in which Principal Skinner has a mishap after cooking for Superintendent Chalmers. After finishing their meal, the food Skinner was intially cooking, which he had forgotten about, begins burning in the kitchen. The following dialogue takes place:

Principal Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I’m pooped.

Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, I should be — Good lord, what is happening in there? (looking to the kitchen door with the light of flames coming from underneath)

Principal Skinner: Aurora Borealis? (obviously lying)

Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? …At this time of year? …At this time of day? …In this part of the country? …Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Principal Skinner: Yes.

Superintendent Chalmers: May I see it?

Principal Skinner: No.

Agnes Skinner (from upstairs): Seymour! The house is on fire!

Principal Skinner: No, Mother, it’s just the Northern Lights.

Bringing to mind such humor made the experience that much better. Needless to say, I’m still pretty surprised that I saw the Northern Lights. That shit was crazy.

The moral of this story is, when you see huge plasma clouds which are basically just large explosions of light caused by intense solar flares throwing out particles traveling through space at speeds of 1000 kilometers p/second, its good to think of a quote from The Simpsons to make it funny.

And on top of all that, I also witnessed the astmospheric combustion of three meteorites ( ‘falling stars’ or ‘shooting stars’ for the lay person) last night too. It was a pretty fucking weird car ride… Astronomically speaking.”

There you have it, the Northern lights in central Indiana as explained by my high little brother A.J.  I kind of miss those long drives from Bloomington, mostly just Bloomington and getting to see my brother regularly.


Accompanying song….


January 25, 2010 - Posted by | Hilarious, Personal, Quotations, TV | , ,

1 Comment »

  1. […] I Never Ever Saw The Northern Lights. Well, False. – I’m pretty sure if you see an aurora in Indiana it isn’t the “northern” lights, but other than that, yeah.  Plus he properly quotes Simpsons and it applies perfectly.  Excellent usage. […]

    Pingback by Reading Digest: Fan Made Edition « Dead Homer Society | January 29, 2010 | Reply

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